This will not be some "pretty" blog about how great cancer has made me and all those cliches people say. I am not there and don't see how I will get there.
Why do this blog--now? Because it is easy to call my friend and laminate about how dirty the house is, that I have a long list of things to do, how the kids acted bad today, or any other normal thing.
I have so much swirling in my head I have to get it out. I can't stop thinking about this every second. I can't call her every second. Now I know why it was good and helpful to call my friend and talk about all those things and I would feel better after I hung up. Because it really is ok, nothing bad about a very dirty unorganized house, or that things never get done because there is always tomorrow to do it, and kids driving me crazy is so normal. Normal is hard enough, you have every right to complain about those normal things.
This is not normal.
I wasn't "pretty" in pregnancy and labor, I complained about the pregnancy and all the way through labor. Except at least with that I got a great baby. So if I complain all the way through that and I get my baby, I can only imagine how much more complaining I will do now since this will be a million more times harder. Like I told my friends and midwife in labor was to just be there so I could look at their face for strength. I knew they couldn't take my labor pain away but I knew they were there.
And there will lots of typos and grammar errors. It is just free flowing out of my head. I have to get it out of me.