Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My mind is still racing can't stop thinking, but don't want to think but I can't help it.

I did take him to practice yesterday. That long hour ride is horrible it gives me too much time to think. I keep saying stop thinking!

I talked to my friend who was there on the bad day. I had talked to the doctor again, she did not give me any hope. My friend did. Though, which is better false hope that will be dashed, I don't know. I did feel better (that being relative now) after talking with her. It was weird to talk so rational at times about things. Like we were talking about some mom's call. A mom who calls and is crying or emotional or her doctor tells her baby is not gaining enough. And then my friend and me talk so calmly on how to solve the problem, what information to give to the mom. Right now I am not there. I am the emotional, crying mom. It felt weird, even stupid, to be talking so rational and calmly about this.

But I did sleep last night. Sleep is wonderful. I had regular dreams. My last refuge right now. Please let it stay that way, don't let this seep into my dreams.

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