Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Another song I needed

This is my prayer now I have to do this

What Faith Can Do by Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise


you can see it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGStix70S1k&feature=related

This was also given to me by the same lady----thanks to her---I needed this.

Who knew Hannah Montana was so wise

Another lady with cancer told me to listen to this song:

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreamin
But there's a voice inside my head that says I'll never make it
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shakin
But I gotta keep tryin
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanta make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it but these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most yeah
I just gotta keep going
And I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on 'cause

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
But sometimes I gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith

It's all about the climb
Keep your faith
Keep your faith

**********************
You can see it here-- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkwU92ak07Q&feature=related

I just have to keep playing this over and over in my head.
I want to do this. I listen to this song in the van on the way home from gymnastics with Lil Hercules, hopefully he didn't see me cryin. It was dark.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Trooper Bday, Chemo diet, and I know why this blog is such a downer

I know why this blog is such a downer. I only write when I am down. When I am "ok" I don't post, I am doing things, living life.

But here is some good news. And I mean it. I went to get out jeans since now I get cold easy and then I start to hurt. It was so great fitting into all these jeans that I hadn't worn in forever ( I save all these don't fit clothes before this--you know one day you will fit them) well now I fit them. I love it, it was so fun and made me happy to fit so nicely into them. I love getting dressed now. So for me that is the good thing about chemo, a great and super easy diet. I hated diets before this, it was hard to loose weight. Now it comes off easy.

Today we are celebrating Troopers birthday even though it was Wednesday. He is 1 yr old! And the good thing we made it to 1 yr of nothing but breastmilk! I am so thankful for ALL the milk mamas who helped make that possible, no matter how much or little you gave, we use every drop and grateful no matter the amount you gave. I haven't been out to the deep freeze to see how much is left, scared to but hopefully since it is full we can make it another few months of breastmilk for him. We of course got him a Star Wars birthday cake. On the cake we told the lady to put happy birthday Trooper. We didn't say that wasn't his real name. She gave a look like you named you kid Trooper. :-)

Friday, September 10, 2010

I know I am not helpful and the odds

I know this blog is not helpful to the person who finds this and has cancer, sorry I just can't be that way right now, maybe never it feels like. I have come across several blogs that are helpful and I thank them for that, they are way better at this than me. I think it is because I just can't handle anymore at times, I can't be helpful since I am so far in need of help. So remember that is why I put the warning on my the top of my blog to turn back now since this won't help anyone.

I haven't talk to my dad before this for years and recently I had started talking to him on skype (you must try this, very neat and free!). Anyway I haven't talked to him in over a week now and nothing happened between us like it usually would have, it is just that I can't see him with me like this. I think it would be hard for him to see me like this than me not talking with anymore.

This cancer is like a puzzle. When I was first dx I got one piece of the puzzle and every day since then I am getting more and more pieces of the puzzle and I hate the way the picture is looking.

The odds--I should play the lottery--that I person my age would get this type of cancer-- .05 %
Is that shocking or what? Don't forget the point-- way less than 1% chance!

5 Year Survival Rates for my specific cancer type and Stage 3B (T4,N1)---35%-42%

Chance of recurrence 50%

Chance that it will recur within the first year after surgery 5-30%