Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I HATE bottle feeding!


I bottle fed in public for the first time. It felt weird, like I needed a blanket to cover myself, ha ha. No, I need a shirt that says "I'd rather be breastfeeding."

I have yet again learned so much (just like I did when I was pumping to save him milk). Pumps are not good. All I kept thinking was "This is the best we have come up with for moms?" . Now I have learned that bottle feeding is very different from nursing. Yes, I know I always said that but now it is played out in front of me at every feeding and I can see how EVERYTHING about bottle feeding is different than nursing. My baby has changed. He is now showing all the signs of a bottle fed baby. It is breaking my heart. I have now slept with him for 2 nights since weaning. He does sleep different in relation to me just like sleep doc James McKenna says they do. He was higher up in the bed and not snuggled in the nursing position close to me under my arm. He has now stopped doing the only taking a 1/2 oz and then pushing the bottle out to take a break and then taking it back in a few minutes later to take more. Sort of reminded me of how nursing is. Now he sucks the whole 4 oz down at once. It makes me sad since it is so different from nursing. I feel disconnected from him. I am doing all the feeds because that is how it was and is supposed to be. I miss nursing him so bad. I pray that when I am done with all this I can get him back to nursing. He will only be 15mths if everything goes as planned. I hate cancer, I hate cancer, I hate cancer. Why can't I just have cancer and still nurse at least but oh no cancer has to destory all of your life in every way. It is so sad to see him change to a different baby, he is different from who he was going to be.

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