This is horrible. I am am having a freak out. How can I do this. I am horrible managing things right now and then I have to add chemo, radiation, more chemo then horrible life changing surgery too. I break out crying and going back to pretend this is someone else I am thinking about. Reading other people dealing with this is helpful and horrible at the same time. Torrow is going to be so horrible, it is hitting me now that is so soon. It will just be worse than it is now and I can't take much more it seems. As any mom knows it is hard to parent at times even when you are at your best mentally and physically and now I will not have that. Jedi has to work (chemo doesn't even stop him--yes we need him to work to pay the bills) but I just need him to really be here and care and understand, I don't even think he still gets what is happening, he still thinks this is no big deal, just some medicine like tylenol. I don't want to hear you will get through this. Yes, ok, I will get through this but it will drive me over the cliff hanging by one finger. Tell me how you manage your children and life while hanging on by a finger. I am crying in front of Princess and Trooper. He's too young to understand and Princess doesn't say anything because she is used to seeing me cry now.
Maybe I won't be sick after chemo but I know my mind will be and I don't know how I will function with Trooper.