Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I was, and still am, a cheap date. Burger King was fine, Olive Garden is fine dining. I think that has to do with my childhood. Me rebelling. I remember as a child wanting white bread and chef boy r dee. Instead it was wheat bread, or 9 grain or rye fancy breads, butter beans, it was real nice restaurant, and real meals not junk food. I will never forget my apple healthy birthday cake!

Me and Jedi never really went out lots, we are home bodies, love playing games together--cards, scrabble, backgammon. Me and Jedi always knew there is a time for everything. A season for things. There was a time for us before we had kids and we knew there would time for us again after the kids were grown. And we knew that when we had kids, especially when they are under 2 yrs old, that it was time for them. They needed us and we are older and understood and could wait, it was their season, not ours. Our priority is them. We believe it was designed that way.

We used to, *used to*, talk about when the kids are grown how we will sell the house and buy an RV and travel around and see the sights and visit the kids. That thought kept me going when it is tough being a mom and when I missed just being a couple. Now it seems that thought of the future is gone or just too far off to even reach.

I feel like I will never be old. I used to wonder what would I look like when I am old. I want to be old, wrinkles and all! My wish is to make it till 60, at least the kids would be out of school. Though maybe not married, ok have to stop that thought from going on, because they will have a life after school that I would love to be there for. Especially for my daughter if she became a mom.

I feel now that I am on a time limit, a ticking time bomb. Before, even though you know you could die, it didn't seem real nor anytime soon. I hate not being able to talk about the far off future, it just seems weird to me to do that now.

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