I have now had xrays, ct, mri and pet. And they all suck accept the xray. I am not good at taking the yucky crap they make you drink. I can handle iv's and shots but not drinking yucky stuff. What they also failed to tell me for today's PET scan is that I would need to stay away from children and pregnant woman until noon tomorrow since I am radioactive. Oh, that would be easy for a mom of 6 to do! As much as the PET scan sucked to do, I had two heroes swoop in to help me. Natalie to watch Princess and Trooper and Molly to provide a place for me to spend the night. THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES!!!!!!!
One thing with getting a PET scan (at least with mine) they made me be in a totally dark room with no reading, no ipod, no phone or anything for an hour and half. You are just supposed to relax and veg out so you don't have your brain use energy or sugar or it go there, or something like that, not sure how to explain it correctly. Anyways, ALL I did WAS use my brain! I couldn't sleep or relax I just thought things I didn't want to think about. So I wonder if this still worked or not since I was using my brain and not able to rest it.
Well, with all that time to think, I thought about my post about being away from my kids and if it was selfish or not need/want time to yourself. I came to realize that it is not selfish because you are able to go to them and they are able to come to you at any time. And unlike right now I am having "me time" and yet it is horrible because I can't go to them nor them to me.
I had gotten these recordable children books that I had yet to find the quiet to record me reading the story. Well, I brought the books to me to the hotel and thought this will be great I will finally get to do this for them since I have the quiet. Well, I start to read the stories and start to cry, very hard to read them. They are "touching and emotional" stories-- Guess How Much I Love You and All the Ways I Love You. It took me much longer to do this and was much harder to do than I thought. Just like when Princess brought me the book Love You Forever. Before cancer it was one of my favorite books to read to the kids, it made me happy to see such a wonderful story of a child's life and how they grow. Now it just made me cry when Princess brought it to me, I look at that book so different. I always thought that would be how my life would be with my children and now it may not be that way.
This feels like a mini prep to the "if I have surgery and I am not there". I think of the surgery like a trial run of what it would be like if I was gone because in the hospital I can't just go to them and see them nor them to me. Jedi will get to see what it is like to be without me and that makes me so sad.
An amazing thing did happen when I came into the hotel room. There was a raccoon on the bed! Stuffed animal! Trooper's new nickname right now is raccoon since now he is climbing and getting into everything and curious and eating all starts of things just a like a raccoon. The kids watch Billy the Exterminator (a tv show) and commented how Trooper is just as mischievous like the raccoons are on the show. It was amazing to see this stuffed animal on the bed and remind me of my little raccoon.