Tuesday, August 31, 2010

no cute title for this post

When we went on our family vacation this weekend I had the longest times of not thinking about cancer-- a couple of hours where it didn't cross my mind. But of course it always comes back across my mind and it even hurts more when you haven't thought about it for a longer time since you are lulled into this fake world that nothing is wrong and you don't have cancer. I have talked to 2 people that had horrible things happen, they sound and act so normal. Yep, you just have to be normal, there is no other way to be or you would just crawl into a hole. Yet I hate being normal, there is no reason to be normal. It feels so fake.

I cried tonight. I hate it. Seeing how things will not be the same.


  1. Kim, Thanks for your comment on my blog. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this journey. Just know that there all of us who are in the same boat as you are rooting for you. I just finished reading your entire blog. Yes, it's a tough fight, but you're doing great. I'm glad that what I wrote could be helpful to you in some small way. Interesting to hear that you're doing pre-surgery FOLFOX. I hadn't heard of that as an option. I hope it knocks out all of the cancer for you. I heard the same thing about APR from all of the doctors at the Mayo Clinic - "just do it, what's your problem?" Their approach seemed a bit callous, but they're speaking from years of experience. As much as a perm bag sucks, it beats having to battle a recurrence. You want to attack the CA full throttle with all guns blazing from the outset so that the CA is wiped out for good. While treatment may leave you with a bag, a prospect that initially left me thinking, "Dear God, anything but that," it's something that you do slowly adjust to. I certainly don't like it, but you know what, I'm at a point where I don't think about it all the time anymore. I'm hoping it eventually gets to the point where dealing with the bag is like dealing with contact lenses or something - just another part of the daily routine. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of treatment. I'll be rooting for you.

  2. Thank you for your kind words. Maybe one day I can get to where you are in that mindset. It just seems all too new and overwhelming. You sound alot like Sheri in her mindest here is her blog
    I am glad you guys have your blogs for people since I know mine is very unhelpful and a downer for people with cancer :-)