I have decided I am done with radiation. I feel good with that decision. I was supposed to do 28 days and I did 24 days. So I think that is good. The pain is awful and can only imagine what it would feel like if I did 4 more days of being fried. It will now take 2-3 wks to heal. I do hope the pain goes away soon and that it does not last. Radiation can cause adhesions and that is what causes pain.
I am getting nervous now for the next part of this horrible cancer dx. I am supposed to do surgery. I haven't decided if I will do it or not yet. I will meet with all the different drs again and then decide. It is not simple surgery or this would be easy to say yes to. It is a huge change in my body and pain and a long recovery to go through and not even sure how helpful it will be for my cancer to stay away not reoccur when the odds are so in favor of reoccurring even if you do surgery.
"Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that's good."
Elizabeth Edwards, RIP
I hope I can get to that point. Still very far off for me but I think I have moved that way an inch or two since the beginning of this.
Kim Ann, I don't know if you remember me or not but I've read your blog many times. I've lost a mom and sister to cancer so like you, I hate cancer. I heard Elizabeth Edwards' quote yesterday and thought it was perfect. I don't know how one gets to teh point of acceptance. I took the journey with my sister from July to October and we talked about our hopes and fears in life in a way I never thought was possible. I think about how terrified she must have been and it makes me cry all over again. I have shed teard for you, Kim Ann. I think your blog is so brutally honest and that makes it easier for someone like me to read because you just call it as you see it. I am angry that you have this disease when what you really want to be doing is enjoying life with your children. I hope the day comes when you can go through the entire day without fear - fear of test results, fear of dying, fear of the unknown. I'm praying for you as you make this difficult decision about the surgery and hope that you will feel peace with whatever you decide to do.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts and encouragement and prayers.
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