Thursday, January 7, 2016

Just Another Update

I guess I never did the update from my September labs and scan but it was pretty good, cancer marker was good and scan only showed just the littlest growth in my lungs so that still puts me in the watch and wait mode. I was supposed to go right before Christmas and get scan and labs again but I put it off till January 11 since I didn't want any bad news while I had to be around the kids so much during Christmas break. So now the nerves start back up for Monday's appointment. I just know and plead it will be ok because I just feel like I can't handle anymore. I don't want to handle anymore. Whenever I let the thought of doing chemo creep into my thoughts I start to panic. Since my diagnoses my life, physically and mentally, as never gotten better only worse. I try to stay "ok" and find strength from some amazing people stories and think if they can do that I can do this. But it is so dang tiring to get up everyday and constantly tell yourself to not cry, stay strong, and keep going despite the physical pain and emotional pain. It is never ending fighting. I have been so so tired all the time so I feel like I have no energy to fight many days.  

Another friend died of cancer, it was what seems sudden to me. But probably not to noncancer people. The outside world hears stage 4 cancer and of course assume they will die. But I think, I can't believe they died. I really thought a cruel joke when I hear and can't believe. I had just been with this person 3 days before and they "looked good, walking, driving, eating, drinking". Cancer doesn't care how good you look, because most cancer is on the inside looking horrible. Pain can be hidden with medicine and makeup and clothes do wonders to hide the ugly cancer. 

I don't know which is worse: A sudden unexpected passing or a "you know it's coming because they are bedridden" passing. The sudden ones scare me because it makes me think it can happen to me at any moment and I am not ready. The long ones are prolonged sadness. And scares me to think of myself bedridden and all that means. 

I've also been sad because something that gave me hope and joy has now turned into the opposite of that. That's all for now, I want to stop thinking and go play Angry Birds or Words With Friends to make my mind go blank. 

4 comments:

  1. i want to tell you my testimony of how i was cured of CANCER by Dr. OSE
    i had been affected by this illness for the past 3 years and i had been up
    to many hospitals and clinics i even tried a surgical procedure but it
    yielded no results so i heard of DR OSE from friend who has been
    helped by him and i decided to try him out although i was afraid of
    scam but i know all men are not the same and i tried his herbal medicine
    to my greatest surprise he was able to cure me within 2 weeks and then
    i had my health back and i want to refer you to him through this contacts
    PHONE NUMBER: +2348144885194
    EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.oseherbalspellhome@gmail.com
    and then he also has medicine
    for the following illnesses
    *HIV1/2
    *SYPHILIS
    *LOW SPERM COUNT
    *STROKE
    *CANCER

    ReplyDelete
  2. WHAT A GREAT MIRACLE THAT I HAVE EVER SEE IN MY LIFE. My names are Clara David I’m a citizen of USA, My younger sister was sicking of
    breast cancer and her name is Sandra David I and my family have taking her
    to all kind of hospital in USA still yet no good result. I decided to go to
    the internet and search for cancer cure so that was how I find a lady
    called peter Lizzy she was testifies to the world about the goodness of a
    herbal man who has the root and half to cure all kind of disease and the
    herbal man email was there. So I decided to contact the herbal man for my
    younger sister help to cure her breast cancer. I contacted him and told him
    my problem he told me that I should not worry that my sister cancer will be
    cure, he told me that there is a medicine that he is going to give me that
    I will cook it and give it to my sister to drink for one week, so I ask how
    can I receive the cure that I am in USA, he told me

    That I will pay for the delivery service. The courier service can
    transport it to me so he told me the amount I will pay, so my dad paid for
    the delivery fee. two days later I receive the cure from the courier
    service so I used it as the herbal man instructed me to, before the week
    complete my sister cancer was healed and it was like a dream to me not
    knowing that it was physical I and my family were very happy about the
    miracle of Doctor so my dad wanted to pay him 5 million us dollars the
    herbal man did not accept the offer from my dad, but I don't know why he
    didn't accept the offer, he only say that I should tell the world about him
    and his miracle he perform so am now here to tell the world about him if
    you or your relative is having any kind of disease that you can't get from
    the hospital please contact dr.sakuraspellalter@gmail.com/ you can also visit his website drsakuraherbs.blogspot.com or whats app him
    +2348110114739 you can follow him up on Instagram herbalist sakura for the cure, he will help you out with the
    problem. And if you need more information about the doctor you can mail me
    davidclara223@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Everyone Here,
    My Name is Elizabeth Knox, I'm from UK and I was once a Vaginal Cancer patent.
    Until one day I watched Dr Itua Herbal Remedy on TV Channel on how he uses Herbal medicines to cure all kind of disease, I was very inst rested on his herbal remedy because I was very sick at that moment and I was diagnosed of Brain Tumor and Vaginal Cancer. I took the risk to take his treatment after watching his documentary,
    I contacted him on Email and explain my situation to him, he kindly told me how it works also how I can purchase his herbal product which I did.
    A week later the herbal medicines was ship to me through courier service, I drank his herbal medicines for three weeks and I was healed, cured from Brain Tumor/Vaginal Cancer.
    It was so marvelous even my friends with Breast/Prostate Cancer also contacted this Dr Itua for herbal product and they are all cured as well with Dr Itua Herbal Medicines, I do not how many Sick people are here today or whom are not yet read this. I pray god should let you see this to know there is a wellness for you. He guaranties me that he can cure the listed diseases below______Bladder cancer,Brain cancer,Hiv,Herpes,
    Esophageal cancer,Gallbladder cancer,Gestational trophoblastic disease,Head and neck cancer,Hodgkin lymphoma
    Intestinal cancer,Breast Cancer,Prostate Cancer,Brain Tumor,Kidney cancer,Hpv,Tach Diseases,Leukemia,Liver cancer,Lung cancer,Melanoma,Mesothelioma,Adrenal cancer.Bile duct cancer,Bone cancer  ,Multiple myeloma,Neuroendocrine tumors
    Non-Hodgkin lymphoma,Oral cancer,Ovarian cancer,Sinus cancer,Hepatitis A,B/C,Skin cancer,Soft tissue sarcoma,Spinal cancer,Stomach cancer
    Testicular cancer,Throat cancer,Thyroid Cancer,Uterine cancer,Fibroid,Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Brain Tumor,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
    Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresSclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Chronic Diarrhea,Copd,Parkinson,Als,Adrenocortical carcinoma  Infectious mononucleosis. Vaginal cancer,Vulvar cancer
    Dr Itua Herbal Center Contact,Email: drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Or WhatsApp:+2348149277967

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello everyone, i'm Linda Harry from United State i was diagnosed with Parkinson Disease  for over 6 years which made me loose my job and my relationship with my Fiance after he discovered that i was having Parkinson, he departed from me, and i tried all my best to make him stays, but he neglected me until a friend of mine  from UK told me Great healer, who will restore my life back with his powerful healing herbal medicine. then he  sent me his email address to contact him- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. and i quickly contacted him, and he said my condition can be solved, that he will treat the disease immediately only if i can accept trust on him and accept his terms and condition, i Agreed because i was so much in need of help by all means, so i did all he instructed me to do. And surprisingly after two weeks, He sent me a text, that i should hurry up to the hospital for a checkup, which i truly did, i confirm from my doctor that i am now ( PARKINSON NEGATIVE) my eyes filled with tears and joy, crying heavily because truly the disease deprived me of many things from my life, This is a Miracle, dr imoloa also uses his powerful herbal medicine to cure the following diseases:  lupus disease,  mouth ulcer,  mouth cancer, body pain, fever, hepatitis A.B.C.,   syphilis,  diarrhea,  HIV/AIDS,  Huntington's Disease,   back acne,  Chronic renal failure,   addison disease,  Chronic Pain,   Crohn's Disease,   Cystic Fibrosis,  Fibromyalgia,   Inflammatory Bowel Disease,  fungal nail disease, Lyme Disease, Celia disease, Lymphoma, Major Depression,  Malignant Melanoma,   Mania,  Melorheostosis,   Meniere's Disease,  Mucopolysaccharidosis , Multiple Sclerosis,  Muscular Dystrophy,  Rheumatoid Arthritis, Alzheimer's Disease, parkison disease, vaginal cancer, epilepsy,  Anxiety Disorders, Autoimmune Disease,   Back Pain,  Back Sprain,   Bipolar Disorder,  Brain Tumour,  Malignant,   Bruxism, Bulimia,  Cervical Disk Disease, cardiovascular disease, Neoplasms, chronic respiratory disease,  mental and behavioural disorder,     Cystic Fibrosis,   Hypertension, Diabetes, asthma,  Inflammatory autoimmune-mediated arthritis.  chronic kidney disease, inflammatory joint disease,  impotence,  feta alcohol spectrum,  Dysthymic Disorder,   Eczema, tuberculosis,  Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, constipation, inflammatory bowel disease, bone cancer, lung cancer. contact him on email- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. and also on whatssap- +2347081986098

    ReplyDelete