Another friend died of cancer, it was what seems sudden to me. But probably not to noncancer people. The outside world hears stage 4 cancer and of course assume they will die. But I think, I can't believe they died. I really thought a cruel joke when I hear and can't believe. I had just been with this person 3 days before and they "looked good, walking, driving, eating, drinking". Cancer doesn't care how good you look, because most cancer is on the inside looking horrible. Pain can be hidden with medicine and makeup and clothes do wonders to hide the ugly cancer.
I don't know which is worse: A sudden unexpected passing or a "you know it's coming because they are bedridden" passing. The sudden ones scare me because it makes me think it can happen to me at any moment and I am not ready. The long ones are prolonged sadness. And scares me to think of myself bedridden and all that means.
I've also been sad because something that gave me hope and joy has now turned into the opposite of that. That's all for now, I want to stop thinking and go play Angry Birds or Words With Friends to make my mind go blank.