Oh, how you worry
Oh, how you're weary, from fearing you lost control
This was the one thing, you didn't see coming
And no one would blame you, though
If you cried in private
If you tried to hide it away, so no one knows
No one will see, if you stop believing
(Oh My Soul by Casting Crowns)
Yep, so very weary. Yep, I have no control over anything. Yep, I never imagined my life would have turned out like this is a huge understatement. Yep, I do cry in private because I avoid the public because I could easily cry there. It is the conflict of hiding all of this and then wishing everyone could really know but they really wouldn't want to know it all. Not even the drs I encounter really want to know. I have stopped believing things will get better.
Can't believe it's been that long since I have posted. I hate to post again the same horribleness, that is why I just don't post. I am no better mentally and physically my body has gotten worse. Cancer still stable but I do have "things" that keep popping up and then they do more tests and then more watch and wait. Drs appts stress me out and they happen frequently. The surgery wasn't a forever surgery and things don't "hold" together like they are supposed to. As time goes by it causes me more side effects and pain. I am trying so so hard to be ok, but just hanging on mentally and physically. I still avoid social situations because of the unpredictably of my body and pain. If unavoidable to be in public and interact with people (which I go to great lengths to avoid) it is on pain meds. It is mentally and physically exhausting to be with people. I still have a huge hard time with the question of "how are you". It is the worst question ever because it is decision to either lie and say fine or tell the truth, which I still can't really say the whole truth. Do they really want to know? I wish I could be real and say yeah I am doing horrible. But I can't tell you that since I should just be happy I am alive. I did recently answer that question saying that I am having a hard time with pain and ongoing medical problems. And I get the deer in the headlights look. It's not their fault but I am so sure they just want me to say I am ok. I am alive but it is so freaking hard everyday. To me it feels like I am trying so hard everyday to go on. I am giving it my all. I am coping the best I can.
I am so sorry things are so horrible. I have never known how to answer the how "are" you question either. Does the emphasis on the "are" mean they want a real answer? And if I give them a real answer are they going to try and help. Like if I said, It is hard to do the grocery shopping would they offer to pick up groceries or at least tell me how great Amazon groceries are? But I think they want you to be fine because if you are fine, they don't have to worry about it happening to them.
ReplyDeletei want to tell you my testimony of how i was cured of CANCER by Dr. OSE
Deletei had been affected by this illness for the past 3 years and i had been up
to many hospitals and clinics i even tried a surgical procedure but it
yielded no results so i heard of DR OSE from friend who has been
helped by him and i decided to try him out although i was afraid of
scam but i know all men are not the same and i tried his herbal medicine
to my greatest surprise he was able to cure me within 2 weeks and then
i had my health back and i want to refer you to him through this contacts
PHONE NUMBER: +2348144885194
EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.oseherbalspellhome@gmail.com
and then he also has medicine
for the following illnesses
*HIV1/2
*SYPHILIS
*LOW SPERM COUNT
*STROKE
*CANCER
Even though you treated me so very badly - I pray for you and watch over you. People and community help. Stay involved as much as you can
ReplyDeleteWhat is this even? We have ALL been treated in ways we do not like at some point. You don't go back when someone is suffering and make that a point.
DeleteOffer REAL love if you got it or keep it to yourself. I can't even fathom using this as a place to make a point about you. This isn't about you here...at all.
i want to tell you my testimony of how i was cured of CANCER by Dr. OSE
ReplyDeletei had been affected by this illness for the past 3 years and i had been up
to many hospitals and clinics i even tried a surgical procedure but it
yielded no results so i heard of DR OSE from friend who has been
helped by him and i decided to try him out although i was afraid of
scam but i know all men are not the same and i tried his herbal medicine
to my greatest surprise he was able to cure me within 2 weeks and then
i had my health back and i want to refer you to him through this contacts
PHONE NUMBER: +2348144885194
EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.oseherbalspellhome@gmail.com
and then he also has medicine
for the following illnesses
*HIV1/2
*SYPHILIS
*LOW SPERM COUNT
*STROKE
*CANCER
the article is very good, I hope you make an article about prostate cancer symptoms
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing the knowledge.Cancer causes due to unbalanced lifestyle. There are some lung cancer prognosis and detection methods to check the cancer.
ReplyDeleteHello Everyone Here,
ReplyDeleteMy Name is Elizabeth Knox, I'm from UK and I was once a Vaginal Cancer patent.
Until one day I watched Dr Itua Herbal Remedy on TV Channel on how he uses Herbal medicines to cure all kind of disease, I was very inst rested on his herbal remedy because I was very sick at that moment and I was diagnosed of Brain Tumor and Vaginal Cancer. I took the risk to take his treatment after watching his documentary,
I contacted him on Email and explain my situation to him, he kindly told me how it works also how I can purchase his herbal product which I did.
A week later the herbal medicines was ship to me through courier service, I drank his herbal medicines for three weeks and I was healed, cured from Brain Tumor/Vaginal Cancer.
It was so marvelous even my friends with Breast/Prostate Cancer also contacted this Dr Itua for herbal product and they are all cured as well with Dr Itua Herbal Medicines, I do not how many Sick people are here today or whom are not yet read this. I pray god should let you see this to know there is a wellness for you. He guaranties me that he can cure the listed diseases below______Bladder cancer,Brain cancer,Hiv,Herpes,
Esophageal cancer,Gallbladder cancer,Gestational trophoblastic disease,Head and neck cancer,Hodgkin lymphoma
Intestinal cancer,Breast Cancer,Prostate Cancer,Brain Tumor,Kidney cancer,Hpv,Tach Diseases,Leukemia,Liver cancer,Lung cancer,Melanoma,Mesothelioma,Adrenal cancer.Bile duct cancer,Bone cancer ,Multiple myeloma,Neuroendocrine tumors
Non-Hodgkin lymphoma,Oral cancer,Ovarian cancer,Sinus cancer,Hepatitis A,B/C,Skin cancer,Soft tissue sarcoma,Spinal cancer,Stomach cancer
Testicular cancer,Throat cancer,Thyroid Cancer,Uterine cancer,Fibroid,Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Brain Tumor,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresSclerosis,Alzheimer's disease,Chronic Diarrhea,Copd,Parkinson,Als,Adrenocortical carcinoma Infectious mononucleosis. Vaginal cancer,Vulvar cancer
Dr Itua Herbal Center Contact,Email: drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Or WhatsApp:+2348149277967
Hello everyone, i'm Linda Harry from United State i was diagnosed with Parkinson Disease for over 6 years which made me loose my job and my relationship with my Fiance after he discovered that i was having Parkinson, he departed from me, and i tried all my best to make him stays, but he neglected me until a friend of mine from UK told me Great healer, who will restore my life back with his powerful healing herbal medicine. then he sent me his email address to contact him- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. and i quickly contacted him, and he said my condition can be solved, that he will treat the disease immediately only if i can accept trust on him and accept his terms and condition, i Agreed because i was so much in need of help by all means, so i did all he instructed me to do. And surprisingly after two weeks, He sent me a text, that i should hurry up to the hospital for a checkup, which i truly did, i confirm from my doctor that i am now ( PARKINSON NEGATIVE) my eyes filled with tears and joy, crying heavily because truly the disease deprived me of many things from my life, This is a Miracle, dr imoloa also uses his powerful herbal medicine to cure the following diseases: lupus disease, mouth ulcer, mouth cancer, body pain, fever, hepatitis A.B.C., syphilis, diarrhea, HIV/AIDS, Huntington's Disease, back acne, Chronic renal failure, addison disease, Chronic Pain, Crohn's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Fibromyalgia, Inflammatory Bowel Disease, fungal nail disease, Lyme Disease, Celia disease, Lymphoma, Major Depression, Malignant Melanoma, Mania, Melorheostosis, Meniere's Disease, Mucopolysaccharidosis , Multiple Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Alzheimer's Disease, parkison disease, vaginal cancer, epilepsy, Anxiety Disorders, Autoimmune Disease, Back Pain, Back Sprain, Bipolar Disorder, Brain Tumour, Malignant, Bruxism, Bulimia, Cervical Disk Disease, cardiovascular disease, Neoplasms, chronic respiratory disease, mental and behavioural disorder, Cystic Fibrosis, Hypertension, Diabetes, asthma, Inflammatory autoimmune-mediated arthritis. chronic kidney disease, inflammatory joint disease, impotence, feta alcohol spectrum, Dysthymic Disorder, Eczema, tuberculosis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, constipation, inflammatory bowel disease, bone cancer, lung cancer. contact him on email- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com. and also on whatssap- +2347081986098
ReplyDelete