Thursday, July 12, 2012

Don't Dance

My little Princess has been taking dance. I love watching her. I love dancing and used to dance. Her class was canceled because of July 4th so I thought I would do a "dance class" at home with her before her next one to refresh her memory of things. That was a big mistake! I limit myself with walking to short spurts around the house and sit back down before it starts hurting bad and the only other walking I do is this long walk (to me!) in this huge building for my son's gymnastics. I get really sore just has I reach it but then get to sit down. As I start "class" with her, I had my (only shoes I can wear) Crocs on and could see that was not going to work to show her things (and it felt so ungraceful). So I put on an extra fluffy pair of socks, the kind they sell in the winter. My feet immediately hurt because of wearing no shoes, something I ordinarily never do but I wanted to do dance right. It hurt the whole time, even just standing there. The class lasted about 15 minutes. It hurt to put pressure on the ball of my feet or to even point or do any dance moves correctly. It was a mess I couldn't teach her anything! I went to the bathroom and cried. Since I have limited my walking (I have gotten fat!) and it lulls me into this false sense that I am ok and maybe I can really just walk and be normal so I tried to be normal and do something normal, something I REALLY wanted to do and realized I can't do it like I used to. At my last drs appt. they resigned the papers for the handicap parking. There is two boxes to choose from-temporary (6mths) or permanent. Each time I have always checked temporary thinking it would get better and because since I walk so little it feels like it is not that bad. But from that dance class I see how awful I am and no wonder I don't walk, not walking makes things seem ok, no pain. And now my feet have rebelled against me for making them move and have been in constant pain for the last 4 days, just screaming at me to remember don't walk again, don't dance again.

1 comment:

  1. Hi. I get it. Having had a hard time recovering myself. It has been about 4 years and it is still a struggle but less so. Both physically and mentally. Give yourself a break, allow yourself to be mad. It is a horrible life changing experience. I had trouble walking so I did a little more each time and now i can weight train and walk several miles at a time. Some people seem to have an easier time getting back to normal and it pisses me off but hey, we do what we can and it takes as long as it takes. Anyway, I get it.